He has a plan.

For the most part my summer has not been what I expected it to be.

I started the summer with a longing to:

not be at home

go off and meet new people

serve the Lord in a new way

just play and relax before I had to be an actual adult

None of that happened the way I thought it did.

I had to leave Pine Cove.

Last Tuesday, a week ago tomorrow, I went to the Ranch nurse because I had intense stomach cramps and nausea.

They sent me to the main Med Shed at another Pine Cove camp because I had been sick for 2 weeks.

It had gotten to the point where I couldn't eat anything without being sick afterwards... thats just not healthy... or normal. hahah

They gave me a prescription, which tasted completely awful, and I was sent away to stay with my sister, Becca, in Plano.

I was originally supposed to be better on Friday so I could come back and work.

I wasnt better on Friday.

The next plan was to come back on Sunday.

I was still sick on Sunday.

After talking with my director and the nurse, we decided that the best plan was to just leave.

I couldnt stay at camp because I couldnt get anyone else sick.

I also couldnt sit on my sisters couch anymore. haha.

I felt guilty for not being able to go be at camp.

I feel guilty for leaving camp.

I am kind of in a cloud of guiltiness.

But.

I do know that the Lord has a plan.

Looking back, I kept getting pulled away from Pine Cove.

Maybe I need to be home for my family.

Maybe I need to be home for a reason that I have absolutely no idea about.

But what I do know is that I am going to trust the Lord.

And I would like to not be sick anymore.

That would be nice.

So I am trying to say positive.

I feel as if I did the right thing, but I really dont understand.

As I was reading this morning, some new thoughts came into my head.

When I was at camp, even though it was only for 2 weeks, I grew a lot and the Lord showed me a million things to work on internally.

I was seeking Him.

I hadn't sought Him in that way in a long time.

It was easy to seek Him there:

everyone else was doing it

it was expected of me

it wasn't a place of distraction

i was uncomfortable

I knew what was expected of me in my job.

I knew that I could learn humbleness and how to serve others.

I thought that was going to be my biggest challenge of the summer.

Its not.

The biggest challenge of my summer is going to be to:

seek the Lord and die to myself when no one is watching.

make time for Him in my routine-less day

find new ways to serve my friends and family

im not sure what it looks like to serve my family because they have always served me.

so. now I have some new perspective.

I have no idea what I am going to do until I start school.

I kind of need a job.